Good question, and one that I get asked WAY more than I am comfortable with. One that Meghan innocently asked tonight and one we talked about at length over wine and dinner (we were there 20 mins after the restaurant closed). I don't want it to come across that I am being rude or angry when I get asked this question and appear to blow it off so I wanted to explain. I often joke that I will send out an email if anything changes, but more than likely it will be a blog entry. I also want to say that I know all of you ask because you care about me and want me to be happy (haven't had the best record with guys and sadly most of you have had to witness that).
I am not sure when I will move. It is something that I think about every day but I just haven't come up with a good answer. To set the record straight, this is not some plan I came up with on my own. Craig and I talk about it all the time..it is more like "when you move here" or "If I lived here" or "we like this area of town" or "let's look at houses in this area" than it is "why don't we try to get this done in 6 months." but we do talk about it. There are many reasons for me not having a good answer. First off, Craig is a go with the flow person and if we are both having fun then let's have fun, things will come when they are supposed to. Me, not so much. Secondly, I am a little scared. It is a big step for me. I have only ever lived further than 2 hours from my family for 3 months (when I was in NJ with extended family for a summer) in my whole life. I thought a lot about it last year when Craig and I had our issues and I talked to my sisters and my mom and even some of you to decide if I really could make the move there. For the whole time we were dating I just assumed that he would move to Atlanta and when I found out he couldn't it took a lot of soul digging on my part. Most of you missed that because it was during the holidays and I didn't want to be a downer but it was a long road for me. At the end of the road I realized that not ONE person told me I shouldn't go. The people who knew me the best, actually knew him (cause most of you have only talked to him once or twice) and knew us together thought that there shouldn't be a question in my mind. I came to the same conclusion.
You know how you want to do something really big but when it comes to actually taking that step it becomes so much harder? Have any of you ever said that you want to start your own business and work for yourself (Molly and Drena not included, I need a different example for you guys) and then you never could find when that perfect moment was because there was this reason and that reason for why you couldn't? That is what it is like. Logically (cause in case you guys don't know, I am an extremely logical person), I know it will be ok. I know it will work out and if it doesn't I can always come back, and I know people will talk about it behind my back but they will support me. I don't really have doubt that it would work and I would be happy with him there. Then the other thoughts creep in...what if I don't get to see Ariyana and she forgets me or the next time I see her she is scared of me cause she doesn't know me anymore. What if something happens to one of my parents? What if I freeze to death in the wintertime? What if I don't get to make it home to see my family as much as I want and what if I just want to see a friend that I can't see? Then other thoughts....I can always fly home, I can make sure I see Ariyana (and all future nieces and nephews) enough where the won't forget me. I will have to come back for my job so I can see family and friends then. Then it becomes...we have never lived in the same town so what if we don't get along with that much time together? Then I think about all the time we spend together and how we never get tired of being with each other and how we can already see little differences in ourselves but it isn't anything that would be major. I am scared I won't make friends, but then I remind myself that most of my interaction with my friends now is over email or blogging so that won't change. I would probably see some of you the same amount of time I see you now (sadly). There is just all this constant back and forth and it is really enough to drive you crazy if you let it so sometimes I just try not to think about it.
As you can see, this isn't just something I can pick up and do, but at the same time it is something that I need to just pick up and do. As you can also see, most of my fears have nothing to do with Craig and I....and have everything to do with me. I know you guys don't know him that well, and I know from the outside it might look like I am being treated like I have known to be treated by guys before. It isn't true in this case and you have to trust me on that one. I also know that some of you are wondering what the big deal is, if I love him, move. For me it just isn't that simple and I know that some of you will not understand that. It is ok, I may not understand some of your decisions and people being different is what makes the world go round.
Anyway, like I said, this isn't meant to be rude but I just thought it would interest you guys to get a peak into my head and the thoughts that are constantly in there so that the next time I get asked when I am moving and I just respond "I'm not sure" you will know that I am not just blowing you off but I just haven't figured it out. We haven't figured it out.
1 year ago
3 comments:
I'm one of those people that believes in the Blink theory - that your first, immediate, seemingly impulsive decisions - tend to be the best and most pivotal in your life. I thought about moving to Boston for all of five nanoseconds. The period between coming up with the idea that I might leave the insurance business and actually deciding to do it took about the same amount of time. The decisions I've agonized over the most ended up being the ones where I was spending the whole time feeling like my gut said one thing and "common sense" said another. That or I was trying to convince myself that it was in my best interest to ignore my gut. No matter what you do, one way or another, just sit there and meditate/pray/absorb for a couple of days to clear out the mental clutter - the stuff that diverts your attention in a direction not on your main stream of thought. Just clear it out and ask yourself what you really really really really want and what is holding you back...when you get to that point, everything else falls away and you see what you're willing to sacrifice and the leap doesn't seem so big.
Molly sounds really granola now.
Yeah, and my gut definitely tells me to go...it is my stupid head that gets in the way....it is that damn logic! I think that I am a little different in that I don't make nanosecond decisions about anything..just isn't me but I do follow my gut a lot, maybe it just takes my gut longer to get there. The soul digging I was talking about is when I really thought of every excuse and then knew that none of them matter as much to me (or I had a solution) as much as being with him for the rest of my life. So, in short, I guess my gut reaction does tell me to move and tells me I will be happy but then I start to overanalyze (which I do with everything) and I am still in Atlanta.
Good post. I'm a pretty impulsive decision maker and I usually then try to back it up logically. This has worked for me for the most part in my life and when it hasn't I have learned some really good lessons.
Sometimes things also come full circle. HRG made the decision to send 5k postcards for 6 months that cost us lots of money. We didn't get one sell from it, but we did get awesome marketing material that we used to win awards that then got us agents which has lead to more profits than if we had made a few sales. Make sense? I think sometimes life takes us on a different path than what we had in mind, but often gets us to the same outcome.
Good luck with your decision.
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